Matthew 21:1-22

Matthew 21:22

"If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer"

God lays it out for us. We will receive WHATEVER we ask for...whats the condition? We must believe.  

What is the point of prayer?

-I believe it is not to tell GOd what is going on (ps. he already knows) but to help us grow and trust him.  In reality Christ knows our thoughts and prayers before they even go through our brains.  Also, God already knows what is going to happen in the end, so what is the point of praying, when what happens can't be changed? I believe the point of prayer is to build a humility and dependency in each of us.  By spending time in prayer presenting our requests and thougths to God, we should our need for Him.  We give situations to Him and begin to "lean not on our own understanding".  It also creates a deeper sense of friendship. You invest your deepest darkest secrets, fears, and desires to your best friend and Christ should hear them as well. Unlike our friends sometimes, God ALWAYS is ready to listen and hear what is going on in our lives even when he already knows. And he deserves Glory; plain and simple.

"Whatever you ask"

God providing me with a full ride to the college or my choice, and amazing good looks, and athletic abillities, and a nice car, etc doesn't always happen. This portion of the passsage can be a bit confusing if you think about it.  So often I hear of friends who give up on God because they prayed and prayed for something to happen and it didn't. 1 John 5:14 says,"And this is the confidence we have in him, that, if we ask for anything, according to his will, he hears us".  God hears us no matter what, but sometimes we just have to realize God has different plans; better ones.  He has the BIG picture; trust him.  We have confidence in him because he promises that if what you ask fits his will; he'll give it to you. No doubt about that one.

"If we believe"

It is one thing to ask but another thing to truly believe that God will provide it. This requires faith.  Sometimes in the toughest of situations it seems very hard to believe that God has a plan and is ready to hear and answer our prayers. But we must.  Because he is.  We must completely rely on him; give everything over to him.  

God,

I pray with all my heart that I can learn how to give everythign over to you. That I will have enough faith to believe that anything I ask from you will be granted.  You have been teaching me about what it means to have true faith and God I want to have faith in the power of prayer as it says in this verse.  You are the best listener I will ever find!

Matthew 20

Matthew 20:26-28

"Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.  And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many"

1. Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.

In God's work, to become great doesn't require money, status, popularity, or material goods.  It requires humility.  I think sometimes I get caught up in how can I be the most popular the greatest, the best, but in reality I need to become the least. The next question is really what does it mean to be a servant?

2  Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve:

Real ministry is done for the benefit of those ministered to, not for the benefit of the minister.  Many people are in the ministry for what they can receive where materially or emaotionally from their people instead of for what they can give. 

How did Jesus serve:

-Died on cross

-washed feet of disciples

-Restored lives

-Put others above himself

God,

especially as I head off to Kentucky in a few weeks, I want to learn how to serve as you served. I want to have a humble spirit with loads of love.  I want to be an example to the kids of what it really means to serve and be a disciple of Christ.

SBR and devo

Well,

I am finally home from Silver Birch Ranch in Wisconsin where I was able to experience life-change, fun, and excitement alongside a few hundred Middle Schoolers. I was a counselor and leader for CCC and though it completely exhausted me, it also was 100% awesome and worthwhile. My girls and I made shirt, had crazy hair days, had a party, did all sorts of activities, and just had a blast with each other. I gave more piggy back rides and braided more hair than I think I ever have combined in my life. I personally grew from the experience! God was really teaching me how to love unconditionally and have faith.  First off, love unconditionally means no ifs ands or buts about it. Not everyone will connect with my personality, not everyone is going to say the right things, or respect me, but I need to just love on them and demonstrate God's love.  This proved challenging at points when I felt like I just needed some "me" time :)! Second was faith. Though I may not have realized or acknowledged it, often times I suffer from a lack of faith in God's abilities. I begin to think about how far away people are from God or how unlikely it is they will change, or how they don't listen to a word said during church or chapel etc. I just assume there is nothing I can do and no matter what I say or do they won't change, but the reality is I am completely and utterly wrong. Where do I go off thinking that the God of heaven and of earth who created everything and everyone in his own image can't soften hearts. God is working and no matter how far away someone is God can change lives.  He did with mine. It was great to even get to see this in action.  A girl I probably wouldn't have expected to turn her life to Christ did so. She realized the need and took genuine action. Only God knows what else is stirring in the hearts of my girls right now as they are falling asleep.  That is why prayer is essential.

My cabin girls were

Maddie Lydick-great girl, sweet heart

Morgan Windau-close with family, shy, fun

Rachel Simmonds-great potential, fun-loving, similar to me at that age

Maddie Petit- funny! wants to be loved

Chloe Rojas-smart, sweetie

Roxanne Prigge- dare-devil, very helpful

Lexus Finn-funny, caring

Melanie Kohout-so kind, stunning personality

Grace Iglehart-athletic, full of joy, talkative

Each of my girls taught be something new and were specifically put in my cabin for a reason. I thank God so much for the cabin I received. They were so easy to handle, great to me, and just soooo much fun.  They were a bunch of crazy girls just like I am.  Each of them has so much potential to shine for God. My prayer is that maybe this past week lit something on fire in them that would burn for the rest of their lives.  

Well, throughout the trip I woke up early and worked on the Matthew study I had been doing before. I did it in my journal and I am debating whether I am going to copy it into here; probably not. I will start it off again tomorrow night :)!  God's been teaching me a lot. I am very thankful for the spiritual leaders God has placed in my life.

Matthew 16

Matthew 16:24-25

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. whoever saves his life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.'"

WOW HUGE PASSAGE

Throughout his life on earth, Christ suffers and shows his disciples what it truly means to suffer. Now it is his turn to tell them they must go through this as well.

The very first part here it says, "whoever wants to be my disciple"...well what is a disciple

Wikipedia says," A disciple is a follower and student of a mentor (in this case jesus), teacher, or wise figure. 

So whoever wants to actively learn about Jesus and constantly be searching in how to be like him and follow his ministry 

In latin the word disciple is discipulus meaning "a learner".  It is a self-identification for those who are searching to learn about jesus and his ministry MUST (have to) (required to) (mandatory to) deny themselves and take up their cross....HUH?

how do i deny myself?

Deny the temptaions of Satan

Put Christ's life and purpose before your own

Put your life in his hands and follow his will accordingly 

Deny your own selfish ambitions for his worthy ones

What does it mean to take up my cross?

the cross here is all persecutions all suffering all pain all hardships that come with being a Christ follower. Each of us has our own cross own difficulties that we must endure, but we need ot go through it. Take heart, reconciliation comes when we take up the cross like Christ did for us. like one of my friends says, "suck it up sally" We need to get over the fear of rejection and suffering for Christ, and realize what we got is better than anything they do.  We have the ticket to the kingdom of God.

Follow me-search for him...walk the straight path.  The scriptures say wide is the path but narrow the gate...Jesus walks right through it ahead of us, but we must follow; keep our eyes planted on him because he knows the way and is leading us towards it.

Whoever saves his life will lose it

If we work to save our lives here on earth it will be by sin because the world finds joy and life in corruption and things that are not of Jesus.  Then because of our sin here on earth we will miss out on the eternal joy God will bring to us eternally.

Whoever loses his life for me will find it.

If we become disciples of Christ and dedicate ourselves to following Christ and his paths by taking up our cross and denying ourselves we will find the true life Christ describes.  We will find a life here on earth that is filled with passion and purpose and love, and we will enjoy an eternity in a place where there is no pain or suffering.  We may be hated may lose everything that is of value to those in this world, but this life lost allows for a new and eternal life with God.

God,

I pray that I would live my life with an eternal perspective. that everything I do wouldn't be to satisfy my life here but would be for eternal impact.  God you are a good God and you lead us in the direction we need to go, I just pray that I would follow you with all that I am and pass through that narrow gate right behind you.

Prayer

So this isn't my journal for tonight, but I am in a battle with myself and am in need of support and direction.  

God,

You know my heart, you know my desires, you know my abilities, you know my life 10 years from now, you know everything about me.  God I am in a struggle with myself and feel like I have no direction and you know me, I am like a headless rooster wandering and hitting walls without direction.  I want so badly to learn and to grow for you, but have no idea where I will be doing that one year from now.  I want to go to a school where the Bible and ministry is what happens, where God is number one and serving you and growing with you is a priority.  I also want to go to a school where relationships are God honoring and fun, and the activities are amazing. I want to get involved and go to sporting events and meet new people all the time and have floor bonding.  But i feel like these two don't seem to go hand in hand.  I mean I'm sure tehre are many schools that are like this, but not to the extent I want and not for the price I can afford.  i know you say you will provide, but it makes me nervous taking money from my parents, I just have that guilt as if I am a burden for them in a time when there are other places that need that support.  God I just have no idea where you want me when I return from Costa Rica.  Please help me to figure out where you are leading and provide me with a clear direction.  I'm so confused and it is really hard for me to leave knowing that my future is so unsure.  I know tha tyou have my life planned out to the tee and I pray I will go in the direction of your will.  College is a huge step and the path I take affects every aspect of my future; possibly my career, my financial state, my friendship, possibly a future husband, my home, and it scares me to death. God you say, "fear not, for I am with you" and that to me is so consoling. You are with me...in the worst and best times.  Thank you for being with me..I love you

Christy

Thankful

So tonight I am exhausted and not feeling up to par and just didn't have a great day.  I feel like I have reached my limit of how much my body can take.  I need sleep and rest. So tonight I am going to go through a list of some things i am thankful for in my life.

My computer-so that I can relate to friends, do these devotions, use the calendar, listen to music

My Bible-so that I can dive into the scriptures and grow 

My house-filled with memories and a warm bed that I can sleep in

My camera-captures the memories and friends i've made

My Christian friends-encourage me, challenge me, and worship with me

My non-christian friends- giving me opportuniteis to share Christ, challenging me to stand up for my faith

My mom- for being gracious and compassionate and always there when I just need to talk for making my dinner every night and cleaning up after me, giving me a prime example of a woman of God

My dad- for showing me exactly what it means to be a disciple of Christ, having passion and taking ministry to a new level, for being great with money, and providing me with all I need and many things I would like

My sister Julie-for being kind and such a role model to me, showing me exactly what I want to be like when i get older, listening to God, discipling others, relying on his power, she is phenominal

My sister Jamie- for showing me what it means to have inner and outer beauty, for her compassion and kindness to those of less fortunate, for being generous with time and finances to help others come to Christ

My church- providing a place where I have grown up and learned to love the Lord and found friends that I believe will last a lifetime

My jobs- flexible and offering good experience that will help later in life, also giving me money to give back to God and take some of the pressure off of my parents

My car- well not my car, but the cars we have, this enables me to drive to work and use when I need it, without it I'm not sure what i would do or wehre I would be

Sleep- allowing me to regenerate myself

My mentor girls and small group girls- challenging me to become a leader, learn new ways of studying the Bible, dig deeper, make new connections, and relate to younger students, love them

Hub volunteers- for their willingness to serve God and the students in the Hub

My coworkers- for putting up with me and being so kind and supportive of me even though I am young

my spiritual gifts- you have given me special gifts that have provided opportunities 

my talents- abilities and strengths that I enjoy and can meet new people and make memories

There are many many many more and Lord you know them,

but here are a few

Thank you Lord for your blessings

Matthew 15:21-39

Passage Matthew 15:21-39

Verse: Matthew 15:25b-28

"'Lord, help me!' she said.  He replied 'It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs.'  'Yes, Lord' she said, 'but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table'".

This passage really confused me, but thankfully Google is smart :)!

So what I missed when i first read this was that this was a canaanite woman, a foreigner.  Before these verses this woman was ignored and the disciples even asked Jesus to send her away because she was being annoying.

But even amongst this, being completely ignored and rejected. This woman persists and persists and finally grabs Jesus' attention. She pleads with a simple prayer, help me.  

Then Jesus goes into a short story that really confused me at first.  It first says, It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs" The Canaanites were the dogs and the children were the Israelites.  The children's bread, was the healing and blessings of Jesus.   So jesus is basically shutting her down again saying What right do you have to steal away the blessings that should be given to the Israelites.  Then she jumps to the challenge of Jesus' words and replies that can't she get the last crumbs that fall from the master's table.   She is persistant and even though no one else expected this foreigner to succeed,  her faith gets her to Jesus.  

Some may think this is disrespectful and even rebellious to talk back to a teacher in this way, but Jesus sees this as strong faith. 

Though Jesus may not want us to talk back to our authorities, he does want us to be persistant and have faith that no matter who we are or what is going on we can trust that Jesus will help us.  Through ridicule and more we need to keep the faith.

God,

Please give me faith like this Canaanite woman.  She was the outsider, the one people looked down upon yet you call her a woman of great faith and so much so she was put in the Bible.  Lord teach me how to do this, and constantly give up my prayers to you in full confidence you will provide answers and show me the way. 

Matthew 15:1-20

Clean and Unclean

Passage: Matthew 15:8,9

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men."

These people-Pharasees

Oh man this whole passeage hits home.

Jesus is rebuking the Pharasees after they try and trap Jesus with their questions. He calls them hipocrits for following their traditions and laws over the commandments of Christ.  These men took the traditions of the time and elevated them to a spot where only God's law should have been.

It first talks about how they honor Jesus with their lips, but not their hearts.  So often it seems this world gets caught up with the external and the appearances.  I'm sure the people in the town respected and looked to the Pharasees as the "good christians".  And for me, growing up in a Christian home where ministry was what my family did, I had to look and act the part. I was right in this same spot.  I honored God with my lips but not my heart. 

The next part begins with they worship me in vain.  What exactly is worship? Worship isn't just the songs we sing in church or that once a week half an hour or hour of true reverance to God. Or at least it shouldn't be.  Worship should be a constant every day thing. It doesn't always have to be as huge as we make it nowadays.  In the biblical times, worship was evident in all of everyday activiites as a constant praise time.  Jesus rebuked these men for having such a narrow worship.  They put their own commandments above God's and their hearts lacked the worship Christ deserved in their everyday lives.  

God, 

I dont' want to return to my childlike acts where my relationship with you was all about what others thought of it and of external value.  I know now that isn't what you desire and it isn't a true relationship.  God I want to be 100% pure, 1oo% real and it to reflect in my life.  If i were to be worshipping 24/7 as you desire, my life would look a whole lot different and I would achieve this purity.  God, This is so important and something that I still struggle with. Help me to improve on this, guide me and teach me and give me the passion for your word and life that you deserve. I don't want to be like the Pharasees and follow their hipocritical ways.  Lord, thanks you that you offer a new start even though for so long when I was younger I did this.  Thank you

Jesus Walks on Water

Passage Matthew 14:22-36

verses: Matthew 14:29-30

"'Come' he said.  Then pete got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, cried out,'Lord, save me!'"

What strikes me here the most is the very first word.  "Come"

Jesus invites Peter to do the impossible, to walk on water, to do something extreme.  Peter even says before this "IF, it is you". Peter isn't even sure if this is legit yet he has the faith to try. What I really find interesting is the fact that Jesus knows that Peter will see the wind, he knows he will begin to sink, but he still says Come. This is like our walk with Christ, when we began, Jesus said Come and we got down onto the water and began our journey towards him, but trials come and faith is often lost. Jesus choose to say come to help him discover this weakness in his life.  Sometimes the hardest times in life and trials we go through are just times God wants us to take a deeper look and find out why this is happening.  For Peter this showed his lack of faith and gave him a deeper understanding of the true meaning of beings a disciple of Christ.

The next things that hits me is the word "saw".  Peter's sight was lost.  He wasn't focusing on the finish line, the arms of Jesus, but his thoughts and sight were wandering and that is when he saw the wind.  His senses got the best of him and he lost faith in the goal.  In our life, we take our sights off Christ and we begin to see the things of the world that cause us to doubt and sin. 

Because of his lack of faith and turning away from Christ, Peter begins to sink. What is peter's first reaction? It is to call out to Christ.  Isn't it often that when trials come that is the time we call out to God, when in reality we should be calling out to God the entire time.  How does the story end? Christ, reaches out his hand and saves Peter.  In this way, Christ saves us whenever we cry out to him.  

Lord,

Help me to keep my sights on you.  I don't want to lose the faith like Peter did.  Thank you for always being there to lend me your hand when the winds of my life take hold.  You are so loving like that. Help me to have a strong faith in your power.  You show us here how you can do the impossible.  I pray that this story will stick in my head throughout my life.

Matthew 14:1-21

Matthew 14:1-21

John the Baptist beheaded and Jesus feeds the five thousand

Passage: Matthew 14:13-14

"When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.  Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns.  When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."

Wow! This makes me admire Jesus so much.  

what happened- John the Baptist his cousin had just been beheaded 

solitary place- to pray and spend time with God (demonstrating a strong prayer and bond alone with his father)

compassion-desperation of the people

Several qualities I admire here...

First, Jesus is struggling with a death of a close friend and relative. This is not an easy thing to bare.  What does he do? He takes time away to be with God. He doesn't fall away but instead runs to God knowing he provides the ultimate comfort in times of need.  It isn't wrong to be sad when someone we love is taken from us, Jesus displays that this is hard for even him, but this leads to the second quality.

Second, as it says Jesus landed and saw, this means that he was on his way back.  Jesus had gone to God, and even though that pain was still severe from his loss, Jesus knew it was time to move on.  We can't wallow in our pain. God provides the comfort, but we must return to doing his work as Jesus did. 

Third and Fourth go hand in hand.  Jesus is still suffering yet sees this crowd and has compassion on them.  He acts upon the crowd and personally involves himself.  often times it's easy to ignore the needs of others when our lives are in shambles or we feel hurt.  Jesus didn't act selfishly, but instead has compassion on these people, puts aside his own needs, and heals them. Not only this, but Jesus is probably realizing that John the Baptist's death is meaning his death is not far to come. Another hard thought-process to get through.  

Jesus,

I want so badly to have the compassion, generosity, love, and relationship with God that you had. How many lives could be impacted if I just got out of my chair, out of my comfort zone, past my selfish desires and walked across the room.  Lord, help me to this week to show the kind of love you demonstrated here no matter what is going on in my life or my head.

Matthew 13:44-58

reading: Matthew 13:44-58

Vs: Matthew 13:52

"He said to them, 'Therefore every teacher of the law who has been instructed about the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his storeroom new treasures as well as the old.'"

This passage confused me.

Instructed- comes from a greek word meaning to make a disciple. Therefore this teacher of the law is merely passing on what he has first been taught. We must continue to learn so we can continue to teach.

ooohhh...okay beginning to understand.

first we have this owner of the house. He is the head honcho of his home and has lots of responsibility. He must feed the family, provide for the home, constantly secure the home etc.  if these treasures were food, the owner would mix them to create a balance for his family so that neither is wasted. 

this might be saying thsi...

In this same way Christ wants us to create a balance of the New and Old testaments so that neither one is missed because they have equally strong messages. The Old testament may not be as appealing or seem as useful, but it has ideas and laws that are important today. If it isn't specifically talking about the new and old testaments it could just be saying use new and old truths, illustrations, aspects, applications, and experiences.

What exactly is the kingdom of heaven in this passage?

In other parts of the New Testament and Matthew is talks about how Jesus would say the Kingdom of God is upon you or ....now the Kingdom of God is near.  Because of this, I think its right to say in this text that Jesus isn't talking about the coming Kingdom but that it is present with us in a different form. It is present in the form of jesus christ and the gospel.

I think God wants me to not just focus on learning more new things about the Bible but also the old things.  I need to refresh my memory because there is so much more that can be seen from different stories I have heard hundreds of times.  God is always pointing out new aspects.

God,

You are so incredible. You know exactly what you were doing, and exactly what plans you have for my life. I pray that I can take my old experiences and apply them to my life to help me learn. I pray I will find new truths in those bible stories I have heard since I was young. I pray especially as I am donig this with my mentoring girls that you would provide the words that would directly go to their hearts and they would be filled with your love. Thank you for putting each of them in my life. 

Parable of the weeds

Today: Matthew 13:24-43

Passage: Matthew 13:30 (Parable of the Weeds)

"Let both grow together until the harvest.  At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn."

Again I feel overwhelmed with just this tidbit of the passage. There is so much here to learn.

Both-good and evil; weeds and wheat; the godly and ungodly

harvest-when Jesus returns

harvesters-angels

barn-heaven

burned-in hell

There are many things that really strike me about this passage.

1.  To create wheat it takes lots of attention. They must water and plant and keep watch on the field. In this same way Christ didn't put us here and leave us to suffer on our own. He is constantly by our side watching over us. Not only this but he is watering us and trying to help us grow and not be destroyed by the weeds growing on all sides of us.

2.  I find it interesting that Jesus says this parable and lets the weeds grow together with the wheat. Every day every moment satan and sin is crouching at our door it desires to have us but we must master it (genesis 4:6-7).  Im a very visual learner and I remember planting flowers and picking the weeds out.  The weeds had to be picked from the very root and even when you thought you had picked your last one another weed would sprout up.  You can't get rid of them easily.  Even though the battle is tough the prize is worthwhile and there is no weed too big for the planter.

3.  Jesus clearly makes a distinction here that separation will occur. The godly and ungodly will be parted at the end of time.  There will be no in between just wheat or weed.  this pain and agony of sin trying to overcome us will be over in the end and  the enemy will get what he deserves.

4. Just as all the wheat will be gathered into the barn, Jesus is letting us know that all the christians will be gathered together. Everyone from France, to australia, africa and USA, we will all be brought together into the barn of the planter. Into a place of shelter and fellowship with one another. 

I think Jesus is asking me personally to stand firm. Just derooting one weed doesn't mean the fight is over. There are more battles to go. But I can't be discouraged. I have to remember that Jesus is always there to help me fight the weeds off with the true weed killer.  Plant vs Plant doesn't work, but with a weed killer put on by the planter, the fight is not lost. 

God-

Please help me to give my battles to you. Help me to keep strong and not give up whatever weeds may arrive in my life. You are always there and glory be to your name.

The Beginning of the Journey

Well,

This is day one...day one of my blog...and day one of a new start for myself.  Sometimes I just feel like I have to wash my slate clean; with God, with friends; with my schedule; priorities; and life in general and this is one of those times. I am soon (56 days I believe) to embark on a new journey and new time in my life. Costa Rica. But, I am not there yet and I feel like God has much preparation to do in my life before I leave. Everyday I feel like I have so much growing to do before I can take on certain tasks and this is one of them. Lately, I feel like my life has been a constant blur, and I think family and friends would agree. I just keep going and going and going; I'm pretty sure I've beat that energizer bunny for sure by now.  From 50 hours a week working to squeezing in every possible relational time with friends, to working out, sleeping. My goodness I stress just thinking about it.  What I realize as I am sitting here (while my schedule says I'm supposed to be working out then going to work) is I'm missing the priorities of my life. I'm missing the real essentials of summer that I first laid out for myself.  These include reading books, delving into scripture, relaxing and I've turned into a workaholic, constant blur as I said before.  And the sabbath? Yea, thats not happening.  To be growing to my fullest potential in Christ I can't be deliberately breaking one of his commandments. It is so interesting how God has been trying to keep me from working so much yet I find more. I won't get scheduled and then I'll find more hours by taking shifts. Even the Lord God maker of Heaven and Earth the most powerful being rested on the 7th day. Where on earth do I get this idea that I can surpass this?  So starting today I am going to begin something new. I am going to work on getting my priorities straight. Besides when God is first, he provides. I don't need to worry. 

Now my second aspect of starting fresh, my walk. Growing up in a christian home is a blessing that I am truly truly truly 100% thankful for. More than ever, this year I have learned how fantastic of a blessing my family is.  Even mentoring several girls this morning I came across the word blessing in John 13:17. Jesus says to his disciples after washing their feet, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them".  What do Jesus mean he will bless them.  So if we serve we are blessed? So those people in Haiti who can't even find water to drink are blessed if they serve? it doesn't seem like it. So I looked up blessing today in the dictionary and this is a couple of the things it said:

blessing

a special favor, mercy, or benefit

a favor or gift bestowed by God, therefore bringing happiness

the invoking of God's favor upon a person

Then I began to realize, because we live in a sinful materialistic world, we often think about blessings at this level.  We think of blessings as health, wealth, protection, shelter. But God's blessings are definitely not limited to that.  His gifts do include supplying our material needs, but it goes beyond that.  He gives personal attention, individual spiritual gifts, and faith.  He lets you know his plans, love, and presence.  These are private events between u and God, so you build that relationship. We deserve nothing..absolutely nothing. Where did we start thinking our life was ours for the taking.  God blesses us everyday. and back to my original thought, he has blessed me with an INCREDIBLE family. I could NEVER EVER have asked for a better one.  My dad is one of the wisest people i know, and my mother one of the most compassionate.  They demonstrate Christ's passion and love everyday to me.  Much too often I have taken this blessing for granted as a well shoot now I have to live up to that.  Which I'm not gunna lie can be rough at times. Growing up in middle school and High School i was just expected to be the leader and know the answer. Which I normally did, but it began my time of "yes i know the very shallow level answer that will just satisfy you enough to make you think I know my Bible and am growing. "  Now after years and years of time that I could have been growing and deepening my relationship and digging deeper since I already had that shallow basis, I feel behind not up to par or at least where I want to be.  This is where my second aspect of change comes in. For about a year now I have truly 100% been wanting to go beyond, but stuck in that rut saying I don't know where to go. I'm in that middle part of the Bible where I know the shallow answer desperately wanting to know that deeper answer but not having any idea of how to get to that answer. I know I've heard what you are tihnking "well, you just have to study study study". k 1. me and studying have a hard time going together but im working on it 2. yes i know and I do, but I don't knwo where to start. I get so overwhelmed with the Bible on occasion i quit.  I want so much for someone older and wiser to direct me and tell me this is how you should go abouts learning this or giving me specific instruction.  I will often times look at a chapter in the Bible and feel like i could spend 10 hours on that passage because I want to understand the history and the context and the real hebrew and the time period and the tone etc etc. Then I look at the chapter and say OMGosh there is like thousands of these chapters in teh Bible and then that overwhelming feeling reoccurs. I mean don't get me wrong I spend time in my Bible and I do read very often. I just have such a desire to go deeper, with no understanding of where to go with it and no one to lead me.  This year I even asked someone to mentor me and disciple me ( i know its weird I asked someone else not them asking me, but thats how much i wanted it) and I ended up right back where I started ...not being challenged. Thats the root of it..i want to be challenged to learn. and I'm not.  Even mentoring these younger students right now has been an answer to prayer for me.  I've had to study so I can teach them. ya i'm sure they aren't wanting to dig as deep as I am but I want them to have the passion I do so I'm going to pushthem to "do hard things" like Alex and Brett harris talk about in their book.  I am soo not a C (the study person) in the DISC personality test. That is my least, so this is really hard for me to do, just study.  I am and I (relational) person off the charts.  So my start fresh part for this summer is learning how to study and doing it. 

My third and final aspect for now is friendships.  I am all about friendships. I have so many different groups and different friends its pretty crazy. Like I'm not just saying that, it's ridiculous how many different ones I have.  I'm not saying that to brag either, cause personally I would much rather prefer to have 10 close close friends than the way I am. I did for awhile but this is why I am starting fresh with my friendships. My four years of high school I always has good friends I never lacked a strong social life.  My senior year especially I grew close with about 10 mainly 6 girls that I felt completely comfortable with and thought it was forever. Yea I made a few mistakes last year and even this year, that probably got me closer with this group than I would have been. It was satans way of tempting me, sin to achieve acceptance.  When I graduated early I began to grow more and more and they began to get a jump-start on the college party life (or at least a large glimpse of it).  Just to avoid those tempting situations I said no to several nights of "partying" and my once close group of friends began to shut me out.  Friends are a huge aspect of my life and losing just one friend is really hard for me. This was and is still hard for me. I still see them often but it is soo awkward and hard to chew on. I know they hang out I know thye are all still close.  On graduation night they gave eachother notes right in front of my face and left me feeling completely uncomfortable and alone.  Yes, we are still friends and I still do not lack for a social life, but just knowing how much time and effort I put into the friendship kills me.  Time i could and probably should have been investing into christian fellowship or God himself.  I remember reading a passage in Matthew a few nights ago and I"m not even sure what verse it was but part of it was Jesus talking and he said, "everyone will hate you because of me".  Honestly, though it may sound weird, that is one of the most comforting things to me. Yet again, Jesus has blessed me beyond belief. Does everyone hate me ?? No, Do i have friends, yes! So I have a few that hate me, so what. God has blessed me with the gift of himself in my life and friends that care about me. I'm sure there is a reason why these girls were put into my life and I'm so thankful for the experiences we had, but I am not slipping into my old ways.  Maybe they will see the example i have made from saying no to the worldly ways and in future times that iwll lead them to Christ who knows. Compared to the hardships those starving in Africa, those being murdered for their faith in other countries, I have endured nothing. I have so much to be thankful for.  

I dont' deserve anything and I guess this summer I want to begin a journey where I understand that and don't take that for granted. I want ot become the kind of disciple Christ designed for me to be.  I want to serve him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength, and relationships. Im ready to begin that journey.