Draw Closer

God,

I feel like my words are many.  There are so many things to pray for, so many people that are hurting. I feel overwhelmed. I don’t feel like there is enough minutes in the day to truly pray for each one of the things that need prayer and I am feeling burdened for.  I feel like the Gentiles in some sense in matthew when it says, “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words.  Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him” (Matthew 6:7-8).  I pray empty and numerous prayers trying to make sure I pray for each one of the things I say I will pray for.   But father I thank you. I find comfort in Hebrew 7:25 which says, “Consequently, he is able to save the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.”  Even though Jesus lived long ago, his ministry is present. He is sitting, because his saving work is done, at the right hand of God praying for exactly what I need before it is uttered.  You know my heart and you know what I am burdened for. You hear the cries for prayer and know the pain in my heart for the needs of camp and friends, family, relationships, struggles, and circumstances.  Oh Father, even just reading this I find peace in knowing all you want is for me to draw close to you.  Your intention in bringing these burdens to my knowledge and to my heart is not for me to get overwhelmed, but create a reason for me to draw close to you. In the midst of this anxiety, you tell us to cast our cares on you.  Just yesterday I studied Matthew 6 the last portion which tells us to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worry on its own. We are to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33).  Father, in the midst of pain after pain and burden after burden, you are calling me. You have been saying LOUD AND CLEAR “Christy, draw close to me”. God, you don’t want me to pray empty prayers just because I said I will pray for someone. You want me to stop, and take time to be with you, and allow you to comfort me as I prayerfully give you my anxieties and the burdens of others. I do not have to bear it on my own. You are at work; your will will be done. It is not all up to me! Praise the Lord!! I am so blessed to be on your team. If God is for us, WHO can be against us! (romans 8:31).

Lord, today you know all the people and situations that need prayer.  But God there are a few I want to take special time to lift up to you.

First off,

Carla & the Byron community.  God, there has been several deaths that have shaken up this city and my dear friend. Lord, I have no idea what you are up to, but father in the midst of your great plan, provide comfort and peace to a restless and hurting people.  They need your divine strength, and your loving comfort to make it through this trial.  Lord, I may not know this girl, but I am burdened most especially for Carla. Father, so much has been going on in her life lately and I hurt for her.  Even just reading about divorce for my class, I am burdened even more deeply for her and how and proud of how she has sought you through her life. Praise your name for being so faithful to her.  Father, be with her, grow her, comfort her, love her, and draw her into your presence. In the midst of this trial reveal yourself in big ways. Help me to be a good loyal friend to her and to show unconditional love to her. Thank you for the blessing of her friendship.

Second father,

Pavia. Father, she too is struggling. Lord, I don’t know the full extent due to the lack of communication options, but I can tell her time in Cuba has been painful. Father, please, please please for the sake of a good friend, comfort her, love her, heal her.  Lord, there has been so much pain in her story and it brings me to tears just thinking about it.  God, even as she returns to spend a summer serving as a counselor it will be HARD. Lord, I know it was a struggle to adjust for me as well and I know it will be for her. God, give me supernatural understanding as we begin the summer together. Help me to be a good friend to her as I listen as she struggles to move back and become apart of the US culture once again. It truly is a shock to be back and I pray she can rise up to the challenge seeking you first in the midst. And lord, be with her over there. Help her to stay strong amidst opposition. Help her to find strength to resist temptation and fall more deeply in love with you. Thank you for her devotion. Thank you for her deep pursuit of you. Thank you for her servant heart. I admire her so much.

Lord,

I also pray for my relationship with Jamie. Lord, I want her to be my best friend. She is my sister and I love her. Lord, mend that relationship. Help us to become each other’s biggest fan and to build a healthy friendship. You can do that and I ask for your help.

Finally God,

Lord, I lift up this summer, specifically unity amongst the staff. Father, I pray that godly men and women would be drawn to Covenant harbor. I pray for leaders especially. Ones that are willing to serve the campers with everything, but also lead the staff in drawing close to Christ. Lord raise up leadership amongst the counselors to be women and men of influence, that challenge the staff to deeper longing to love Jesus more, to serve deeper, and draw close to you.  Father, I pray for unity. Lord, may it start at staff training and continue to grow throughout the summer.  My prayer is that we would be like the fellowship of the believers of Acts 2:42-47.

            “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.  And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles.  And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.  And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”

Lord, I beg of you, plead with you. Father, may this staff LONG for you, may they crave for you.  May this staff be a team that prays daily, may this be a staff that devotes themselves to personal spiritual growth. Lord may they not be content with where they are but desire for more of you.  Father, may their fixation be one and may they have all things in common as they seek you and you alone.  Lord I pray that this team would have everything in common as their purpose is single-minded.  May they seek first your kingdom, and have healthy eyes of single purpose, serving only one master (Matthew 6:22-24 excerpts).  God, I can’t do this. I can’t “create” a staff that longs for you. Father I am so thankful that this is not a burden I have to bear. You are at work already in their hearts, drawing them to you. THANK YOU. I am thankful that you in control. I am blessed to be on your team.  James 5:16b-18 says, “The prayer of a righteous person has great power.  Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. The he prayed again and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.” God, my God, I pray, that you would bring unity to the staff at Covenant Harbor father. Not just any unity father, but unity that would draw us closer and closer to you.  Lord, may we witness your power and glory revealed this summer in the campers hearts and in the lives of the counselors. You have the power to transform upside down. Father, you did that in my life and I know it to be true. Lord, please father, reveal your glory.  In the name of your Son, bring unity this summer! Refine us to be devoted servants of your throne!

            John 14:12-14 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.  Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it!’

Beautiful desire

You have said, "Seek my face!"

My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek."

Psalm 27:8

Just a lovely thought based off of my study of Matthew 6:22-24 today. I cannot serve two master, Christ alone is the fixation of my eyes, the longing of my heart, and the foundation of truth in my mind.

Creative love

Tomorrow night I am hoping to go spend the night with a friend and have "craft night".

I LOVE having craft night with her because she gives me ideas that i can copy :) and watch her do. 

So, tonight I was surfing Google to find some blogs and various crafty ideas hoping to contribute, and know what to buy at the store. 

Then it dawned on me. I really struggle with coming up with creative handmade things, yet i LOVE them so much. My favorite things to have are those that are handmade, such as handmade journals, scrapbooks, and accessories. Seriously, even just thinking that someone would make me something "crafty" and "artsy" gets me excited. 

This year 2 friends made me "artsy" journals and i CHERISHED them. I love them so much. Then, a friend made me a vase that is decorated with tissue paper and art and again i value it so much. Just recently another friend made me a scarf that I adore! 

People have bought me nice things from stores, yet to be honest, what speaks love to me is things that have taken time to make and thought has been put into it! 

God may not have created me to have the ideas and thoughts to create "crafty" and "artsy" things, but he did give me a mind that values it highly & when others let me appreciate that art everyday by giving me something they have put work into, man, I am so encouraged. 

Thank you Lord for gifting people with such talent and ability to see beauty and masterfully create. 

I am encouraged by them and see you through their beautiful work. 

Busted!

Well, week 1 of spring break has come to a close and week 2 seems to be dominated by the idea of HOMEWORK :)! I'm glad I enjoy my classes!

This break has mostly consisted of time in Kansas thus far, with both of my nieces. We made the 14 hour trek home today (longer witha 7month old in the car) and to be honest most of it was quite delightful. I LOVE roadtrips.  It is focused time where I get to 1) spend in prayer (i drove at 3am while the others slept-GREAT God time always) 2) silence 3) listening to music 4) good discussion 5) and processing 6) and i did homework!

Yet on the way home, I was driving and low and behold if I don't see lights on the other side of the expressway.  I slow down, but assume the police is rushing to an accident.  But, as I speed by the lights flick off as I pass, and he immediately plowed through the grass median to a wide open expressway with no other cars but my own.  I knew I was stuck.
   Bad news is I got an 83$ ticket for going 10 over. Good news is he was a Christian guy, listening to K-love and was very pleasant to talk to. I forgot my license (minor detail..another bad news), BUT good news, they were able to find it in the system with no problem. I am thankful i had a NICE cop :)!

After that...Elyse decided she should drive.. :)

>>>THE STORY HAS NOT FINISHED> >>

Pass by multiple hours, multiple stops and dropping off Jamie and Elyse...

AND...

18 over :(... 2 in one day and a not so happy check writing party. 

ENOUGH SAID, LESSON LEARNED

my VERY FIRST ticket :). 

Digiornos Party!

So, I'm in Wichita Kansas this week with my 2 sisters and 2 beautiful little nieces. We've had quite the adventure, heading to the zoo, taking walks in the 80 degree weather, and watching them play. They are 7 months and 11 months.

My sister Julie is quite the party planner. Not only is she the planner, but she is also coupon guru. If you need to save money, she can help! She went online and signed up to host a Digiorno pizza party. They send her a box of a timer, pizza slicer, nametags, a bball hoop mini size (it was a march madness theme), and SO much more along with coupons for FREE pizza and drinks.
Tonight we had the party with 20+ of her friends and their children, with over 10 pizzas, drinks and more.  How much did she spend to pay for all of this... 2$.  A party for 20 on 2$. Astounding!! (This picture PLUS more pizzas, and a box of goodies!)

She checks blogs and finds coupons in every area.  With her eye for saving a penny here and a penny there, she throws parties for less than 5$.

**my lesson of the day: You don't have to have lots of money to host parties! As my mom says, "A penny saved is a penny earned".  I just need to keep my eyes open and hold onto those coupons!

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

"When we deny our pain, losses, and feelings year after year, we become less and less human.  We transform slowly into empty shells with smiley faces painted on them."

"At the very least, the call of discipleship includes experiencing our feelings, reflecting on our feelings, and then thoughtfully responding to our feelings under the lordship of Jesus."

"Unconsciously we have a 'rule' against feeling, we don't think we should have intense feelings such as anger or sadness"

"The problem is that when we neglect our most intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and close off an open door through which to know God"

"The issue is not, by any means, to blindly follow our feelings, but to acknowledge them as a part of the way God communicates to us."

1 John 4:1 "Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God"

"God intends that we mature in learning to recognize how he speaks and guides us through our feelings"

"Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that gives the heart a voice."

CHALLENGE-
"Allow yourself to experience the full weight of your feelings.  Allow them without censoring them.  They you can reflect and thoughtfully decide what to do with them.  Trust God to come to you through them.  This is the first step in the hard work of discipleship"

Quotes from Peter Scazzero's Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

Resolved

Adultery

    ²⁷ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹ If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰ And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Matthew 5:27-30

As I have been studying through Matthew, i came across this passage and read through it quickly.I doubted that the Lord would want to teach me anything from this passage. Yet, it has been on this passage that I have found much strength in the past few weeks. 

Let me restate...in my version :). 

*Christy's Application Version of Mt. 5:27-30*

"You have heard that the Bible says, "You shall guard your heart/you shall fixate on Christ/you shall abide in Christ alone/etc." But I tell you that anyone who rests their mind on the things of this world, or sets their hearts on a future fantasy has already let their guard down.  We must take caution, actively! Be careful not take a passive approach lest our whole bodies fall into sin."

Yes, this is a very edited and applicational approach, but nevertheless got me thinking.  My mind wanders, whether on unwholesome thoughts, or comparisons, judgments, daydreaming, etc. It happens.  We may not be able to control a passing thought or what the world displays to us, but we do have a choice on what our minds rest. With the Lord's help, we can resolve to think upon pure and good things that will benefit us.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. 

Philippians 4:8

Lord,
I resolve to choose you. I resolve to rest my heart and mind on you. Yet, without you Father, I am incapable. I need your strength and your wisdom. More of you and less of me.  

Control

The idea of control has been the focus of my week thus far. Whether class, convictions, or conversations, all have centered around this theme. And, to be honest, it is a topic I try to avoid, a topic that penetrates with Truth and when not complimented with grace, condemnation.

Trust and control go hand-in-hand and to be honest I'm not very good at either.  I like control, then blame is on me when something happens, or I can do what I prefer, or my heart doesn't get hurt. I am the one calling the shots, I have the power. I manipulate, I control, I assert myself in pride. Yet this is exactly what Christ warns against, time and time again.  He calls us to surrender, to trust, yet I say No.  Trust is the lifeblood to faith.

Interestingly I call Galatians 2:20 my life verse, yet I've never even studied it.  "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me"

He loved me enough to give himself up for me. Since the foundations of the world he chose me for adoption (Eph 1), and was faithful even when I screwed it all up with my sin.  

He is sovereign, he is all-knowing, unconditionally loving, good, holy, just, forgiving, the renewer, omnipotent... and I think I know best??? Who do I think I am?

My old self, the controlling manipulating, prideful self has been crucified on the Cross and Christ dwells within me. I am not condemned but offered freedom through Christ.  If I am to live by faith, I need to trust.  I must surrender myself to the will and plans of the Lord, allowing him to call the shots. This should be a RELIEF. Praise the Lord, ultimate freedom. I do not need to feel the weight of that responsibility. Gods got it under control.

I only need to continually seek his will, and submit to his purposes.  He leads me...oh thats music to my ears. and The blessing is: He is GOOD.

Grace

God's is so faithful.
A few weeks ago I sat on the train, contemplating my life, connecting the dots.
Some have said:
           "don't over-analyze" or "enjoy life, don't live in the past"
But, this isn't how I am thinking at all...
When I think over my life, it is more of a praise, time or rejuvenation, or a point of vulnerability where I allow the Lord to search my heart.

A friend once asked me,
            "Christy, how have you seen God pursue you"
this question has haunted me and it wasn't until this train ride that I saw his PASSIONATE pursuit of me, his perfect timing, and patient love.

As I began to recall my senior year, I relived a few ups and downs, but rested on a particular night, the night when the Lord had allowed me to run long enough. I was on the path to my own destruction, treading deeper into murky waters, losing sight of my first love. Yet, that night, in a powerful way he made himself known to me. He put his foot down and said "no more". I was His. I was running away, I had rejected him, betrayed him, and forgotten him, but he remained.  His overwhelming favor, his undeserved grace, his steadfast love, he pursued me.  The time was right. His grace was sufficient. His plan perfect.

The Lord is at work. He watches over his own and I am his chosen one. Even when I turned my back on him, he had not abandoned me.  His impeccable timing saved me from utter destruction and he did so that profoundly demonstrated his presence in even the darkest places.  Grace, undeserved, yet richly given. 

As tears rolled down my cheeks on that train I couldn't help but praise the Lord, for his love endures forever.